Category Archives: book snob

In re: the Hunger Games movie haters…

Lenny Gold

I didn’t like the books all that much. (HERESY. Still. The love tri­an­gle and the way it resolved felt forced, and don’t give me the “But it’s YA, they can’t talk about some things” BS, and I would have been happy with a less happy/pat end­ing.) I thought that some of the text/events they edited out in the movie (SPOILER ALERT: WHERE IS THE BREAD?!?) were things that should have been left in, espe­cially to fore­shadow Kat­niss’ role in the books to come. But. I thought it was vis­ceral, the bat­tle scenes and chases in the Arena were per­fect, I loved the ever-loving hell out of Woody Har­rel­son and Don­ald Suther­land, and while Wes Bent­ley is a new and fas­ci­nat­ing fig­ure to me (MUST GO RENT ALL HIS MOVIES, even if he lacks the facial hair), in the end, I thought it did what it ought– as a movie– put into pic­tures things that can be hard to imag­ine on the page, even if you’re an avid reader and fantasist/fandom nerd/artist/writer/whatever. I thought Josh Hutch­er­son was espe­cially bril­liant, and made me want to go back and re-read because his smil­ing slick­ness and couth at the “star-crossed-love” made me re-think Peeta. I thought the other actors all brought lay­ers to the char­ac­ters that I could tell were there in the book, but some­times you need to see someone’s jaw clench, their eyes steel, before you think “Yes. That’s the story, right there.”

Plus, Lenny Kravitz. Gold eyeliner.

Spread the Lenny love if you like.

P.S.: I have the books in e-format if you would like me to email them to you. Leave me a comment.

P.P.S.  If you don’t want to read the books, just a hilar­i­ous spoi­lerific sum­mary of the first one, you should read this.  And if you have read the books, do go read this now.  You will LOL.  For reals.

Those darned tiles…

Arrang­ing box cal­en­dars on one of our largest tables at work is like play­ing live-action Tetris.  Except with large, awkwardly-sized tiles that fall over and don’t really fit together and are in ques­tion­able taste in sig­nif­i­cant part (so many toi­let and poo and other scat­a­log­i­cal themes!) and are really some­thing that are just going to just be a giant PITA rear­rang­ing and keep­ing the stock fresh and in con­form­ing with mer­chan­dise guide­lines from now until the mid­dle of January.

Though that’s just my per­sonal opin­ion, because I’ve always been a one wall-calendar, one Mole­sk­ine plan­ner type gal.

P.T. Bar­num will always be right, though– as soon as I was done with the table, that table was swarmed, and I had to reset it twice before I left for the day.  And the book-a-day one looked kind of interesting.  : )

Smiling through Christmas in June (and other off seasons)

Some days (rainy days and Sun­days, they always get me down pump up the sales vol­ume), they roll up the cranky bus­loads in thou­sands, and there’s noth­ing at all you can do but grit your teeth and for­bear the waves of stu­pid ques­tions, nosy ques­tions, bad flirt­ing, even more bad flirt­ing even after you say sorry-not-interested-no-it’s-none-of-their-business-if-you’re-single-or-not, and then there’s the peo­ple inter­rupt­ing you while you’re car­ry­ing your food back to the break room or a till full of money and they offer to hold it for you while you go get them their book.

On those days, all you can do is smile and tell them you’ll call for more help at cus­tomer ser­vice or say you can’t hand over the till and/or you’re sorry, but you’re on your break  and you’re sure they wouldn’t want you to vio­late state wage and hour laws; or it’s always bad when your com­peti­tor goes out of busi­ness and you feel sorry for the folks soon to be unem­ployed ten miles up the road whose big box is clos­ing their doors; you smile whether or not the customer’s got a sneer on their face and keeps sneer­ing at you about the cost of your store’s mem­ber­ship fee; they hate emails clut­ter­ing up their inbox; they inter­rupt you before you can get out all the ques­tions you’re required to ask and are too busy talk­ing on their phones to notice you’ve handed them back their cards and their receipts…

The fact is, I’m not hold­ing a gun to your head to make you shop here ver­sus the other chain that’s clos­ing lots of stores or our web­site, which yes, does have cheaper prices but no, doesn’t have a search engine query for “Blue Book With a Dog On It” (i.e. this one).  Don’t buy the mem­ber­ship if you don’t want it, really, I just have to ask, but please, stop rant­ing at me about how “evil” (I truly quote) my com­pany is to charge for the priv­i­lege of an annual dis­count for vol­ume book buy­ers (if you can’t do the math, don’t buy the card, it’s that easy, I promise), when lots of other peo­ple do like the pro­gram and when I can see per­fectly well from your wal­let that you paid to join BJ’s.

Just move on and get out of my line, and also your coupon’s expired, so no, I’m not going to apply it because guess what, I can read and I’m not a moron, and yes, I gave you your credit card back because con­trary to your opin­ion, most peo­ple aren’t thieves and you might not remem­ber, but you just offered to hold my till full of money twenty min­utes ago because you couldn’t wait two more min­utes for the one per­son in line ahead of you at the desk to be done and I’m sure you never would have even lifted the lid even once when I was off look­ing for that Twi­light book you just bought.

Thank good­ness for macros.  And to book­seller friend L., who showed me the site in the first place.  Because too many cus­tomers think they are Courage Wolf:

(I know.  Two book­store posts in a row.  Geez, you’d think I worked there full time or some­thing ridicu­lous like that.  : ) )

Going in circles

It’s been a strange week in Book Wobe­gon. After a week of hit­ting every sales goal, sell­ing mem­ber­ships like it was the newest style on the cat­walk, and peo­ple rolling in off the street to demand they be hooked up with that Dan­ged Dig­i­tal Reader Device they’ve all got to sell, things have gone dead again, and the management’s push­ing and wor­ried and scared about num­bers again, peo­ple ner­vous and twitchy about hours get­ting cut.

No one wants to be a mem­ber– no one wants to belong, everybody’s a loner, and no one wants to give over their email for coupons. “I don’t have a com­puter” is a cur­rent refrain. Pos­si­ble for the old­sters, not so much for the ones peel­ing the Ben­jamins off of their rolls as they refuse to make eye con­tact. And the ones who cut Ike, the Banana­gram Queen off mid-spiel in her mem­ber­ship pitch to declare “I don’t pay for that stuff” and then demand that the store honor competitor’s coupons? She smiles politely and says, “we don’t honor com­peti­tor coupons.”

They want to use the competitor’s coupons? They can drive next door, down into the mall park­ing garage, take the ele­va­tor up, and go into that store.

But they don’t have the books!”

She smiles less politely. Looks them straight in the eye.

The ones who’re con­fused when she tells them they’re not in Bor­ders?  Them she just smiles at and wishes them a good day.  They’ve got big­ger prob­lems than her not hon­or­ing their com­peti­tors’ coupons.  How do you not know the dif­fer­ence?  And what else are they miss­ing, if they can’t tell the dif­fer­ence between one store and the next?

Have you heard about our mem­ber­ship program?”

This time, they don’t inter­rupt. They don’t always buy it, but yes, there’s a point. Their membership’s free but no– they don’t have the books. Her store– it does. She makes sure of that.

For a wealthy sub­urb, her clients read lots of gos­sip mags. She’s seen too many come over her counter when she walks by the children’s sec­tion, sees “Frog and Toad Together” on the cover of some­thing and thinks “It won’t last. Never does.”

The girl who tosses the still-shrink-wrapped audio­book of Eclipse over the counter (designer baby doll dress, reeks of some expen­sive per­fume and cig­a­rette smoke, accent drips of Long Island Princess) says “I’m return­ing this.”

Queen Ike reads the receipt for the $57.00 item and sees it was bought back in April, then turns it over to show her the return policy.

Four­teen days, any returns after that will not be per­mit­ted. (Except at the manager’s dis­cre­tion, which the receipt does not say. Hi. I’m the manager/head cashier. Yes. And Queen Ike sends her fel­low cashier off on her break.  Shit’s about to get ugly and the girl is so young.)

She can do an exchange. And no, a store credit is not mer­chan­dise. The girl explains (shrills, really) that she has a Master’s in Eng­lish and she doesn’t have time for this and read­ing the backs of receipts– well– it’s the same song and dance. She stomps upstairs after sim­per­ing that she’ll just “exchange” some­thing and return it tomor­row. She comes back down­stairs with a Mal­colm Glad­well box set and she’d like to buy it, please, a bull­shit smile on her face.

Queen Ike’s Assis­tant Man­ager comes up just in time for Ike to say “Oh, dear. I’m afraid my scan­ner doesn’t seem to quite work.”

The Assis­tant Man­ager looks at the scan­ner, turns it over, says “Hmm, looks like it doesn’t,” then turns the receipt over again.  Then she looks at the Master’s in Eng­lish– return­ing the audio­book about sparkly vam­pires.  “She’s got a law degree.  She can read the back of receipts.  Have a nice night,” she says.  And smiles.

Later on, a co-worker– young, gor­geous, bril­liant and snarky in that quiet-zing! way, saw the Glad­well box set on the shelf for resort.  “Glad­well…” she mur­mured.  “He’s like the Jared Dia­mond of the psy­chol­ogy world.  My anthro depart­ment had a dis­cus­sion when he came to cam­pus on whether or not he was worthwhile.”

Ike asked her about the result.  She smiled mys­te­ri­ously and headed upstairs.

Why is this gate closed?  My child could hurt him­self, hit­ting his head on it like that!”

The gate’s closed because I love the water­melon sound of scream­ing, obsti­nate, mis­be­hav­ing tod­dlers’ heads thunk­ing against it while their moth­ers ignore them and try to carry on a phone con­ver­sa­tion and ignore the cashier while they also berate them for not run­ning a day care cen­ter in what is a bookstore.

The area behind cash­wrap is for cus­tomers only.  Chil­dren often run behind here if the gate is not closed.  May I have your credit card, please?”

I want to return this Chicken Soup for the Teacher’s Soul.  I don’t have the receipt.  I bought it with cash.  I can do an even exchange for another Chicken Soup book.”

Do you have a mem­ber­ship card?  Or an Educator’s Card?”

No.”

Then I’m afraid I have no way of look­ing it up.  I can do an exchange for the low­est price in the com­puter, since I have no way of know­ing with­out the reciept if you bought it here or online or with a coupon or at some promo price.  That price is 10.76.”

But I always shop here.  I never shop online.”

I’m sorry, ma’am, with­out a receipt, I have no way to know that. I can’t just do a book swap, I need some record of pur­chase to do the kind of trans­ac­tion you want.  With­out a receipt, I can only give you 10.76 worth of credit toward another book in the store.”

But I always shop here.”

She might be telling the truth.  But Ike works there forty hours a week, has for almost a year now.  If that woman’s “always” is true, then she’s on a very dif­fer­ent series of “always” than Ike’s, because Ike’s sched­ule rotates, 8–4, 3–11, M-F, week­ends too, and this isn’t a woman she rec­og­nizes at all.

Have you ever ordered a book with us, ma’am?  Is there some way I could look you up in the sys­tem?”  The woman huffs and says “We’re going in cir­cles” and storms out of the store.

Yes, ma’am, we are.  Just dif­fer­ent ones than you think.

On writing and reading

The Sun­day Times Book Review has an arti­cle about a new book– a tran­scrip­tion, really, and I’ve read the advance copy, it’s well worth the read– of an inter­view between the late, great David Fos­ter Wal­lace and the Rolling Stone reporter and writer David Lip­sky as Wal­lace is doing his book tour after Infi­nite Jest had come out.

I have a con­fes­sion to make.  I have never read Infi­nite Jest, for no par­tic­u­lar rea­son except that I was in a Dou­glas Cou­p­land phase at the time it came out.  But– I have read (and re-read, and re-read) Broom of the Sys­tem, Wallace’s very first book, in an advance copy, because my aunt designed the book when she was at Crown or Har­court or whomever first pub­lished that book.  And I have a first edi­tion hard­cover copy of Broom, prob­a­bly lit­er­ally hot off the presses, because I raved to my Aunt about what a great book it was, how it blew me away because at age 14 or what­ever I was when I read it, I was blown away by the author’s refusal to pan­der, to not avoid dif­fi­cult things, intel­lec­tual things that might make the reader take pause to look up things with which he was unfa­mil­iar.  (I spent a whole after­noon look­ing up Wittgen­stein, for exam­ple, and went out and bought an Everyman’s Library primer to get myself more acquainted with his ideas, Wal­lace had so affected me with way he’d woven the ref­er­ences inside the book.)

This arti­cle brought it all back, and reminded me again of some of the things I’ve been learn­ing and decid­ing for myself as I try out this whole writ­ing thing.  I’d men­tioned a while ago I’ve been play­ing around with fan­fic­tion– though it’s not really play­ing, because I think any writ­ing deserves to be done seri­ously, even if I’m work­ing with some­one else’s orig­i­nal char­ac­ters.  But it’s given me a chance to work with voice and nar­ra­tive struc­ture in an envi­ron­ment where peo­ple tend to be mostly sup­port­ive and there­fore have given me the courage to write some­thing orig­i­nal of my own– and what’s ref­er­enced in the arti­cle– it’s funny.

The ten­sions there between “dif­fi­cult” fic­tion– the kind that pro­vokes the reader to think, to do some work, to be chal­lenged on an emo­tional level– and the allure of escapist or pop­u­lar fic­tion, the kind of pulp guilty plea­sure we all enjoy every once in a while–it’s some­thing I’ve even come up against in writ­ing in the fan­fic­tion world (which a lot of “seri­ous authors” scorn and treat as a bunch of abom­i­na­tion vile ripoffs), and while I’ve been lucky to become a semi-popular writer in the fan­doms I write in, I’m not the most pop­u­lar of all– because I don’t write the cute easy themes, and I tend to visit dark places in some of my sto­ries.  I use big words, I play around with chronol­ogy, I switch the nar­ra­tive stream– I don’t make it easy on read­ers, in short.

I took part in a several-months con­test of late, and while my entries always placed high in the vote with my team, gar­ner­ing lots of pos­i­tive com­ments, I never won.  I’m con­vinced it’s because I wrote things that while true to the par­tic­u­lar prompts, my sub­jects tended to be harder, more emo­tion­ally honest/brutal approaches to things than some read­ers really wanted to deal with.  And they rarely were fluffy or cute– and even when they were, there was always still some larger, dark point to be made.  It didn’t make me a “worse” writer than the peo­ple who won– just less “popular.”

““If the writer does his job right, what he basi­cally does is remind the reader of how smart the reader is,” he says. Wal­lace con­trasts lit­er­a­ture with the elec­tronic media, espe­cially tele­vi­sion, an amuse­ment that is his own per­sonal weak­ness, an actual addic­tion. “One of the insid­i­ous lessons about TV is the meta-lesson that you’re dumb. This is all you can do. This is easy, and you’re the sort of per­son who really just wants to sit in a chair and have it easy.””

That’s how Wal­lace describes the ten­sion at one point in the inter­view, and while it’s a bit reduc­tion­ist– some­times we’ve had a hard day and we deserve a light laugh– his point remains true.

Every day in the store, peo­ple come to me to ask for rec­om­men­da­tions, and half the time, they’re ask­ing me if I’ve read some­thing I think is absolute trash.  I mean– Twi­light?  Dan Brown?  Come ON.

There are romance writ­ers who write bodice rip­pers who still man­age to write female hero­ines who’ve got spine, spunk and brains who I can rec­om­mend with a con­science.  Fan­tasy and sci-fi writ­ers too.  Same thing with mys­ter­ies and action.  There are pulp genre mass-market writ­ers who gen­er­ate entertainment-type beach reads that are still good writ­ers, and by that, I mean, they work in some kind of emo­tional res­o­nance, try to make their char­ac­ters peo­ple who learn some kind of intel­li­gent les­son or do some kind of good in the world, whether or not most of it’s fluff.  But there’s so much trash out there that just turns my stom­ach, and I think of all the peo­ple who read this mind­less trash and think that it’s good or just don’t think at all and just keep buy­ing it over and over with­out pay­ing any atten­tion to all the real writ­ing out there, the things that might chal­lenge them, make them do some work in their lives, do bet­ter, be bet­ter, learn some­thing about the larger world that they’d never known before then.

Scary shit, hunh?

I was talk­ing with the hus­band when we were away for the week­end, and say­ing how I thought that in some ways, rec­om­mend­ing a book was an incred­i­bly inti­mate act.  You’re telling some­one about some­thing that was impor­tant to you– that influ­enced what you thought, how you felt (even if you don’t come right out and say so)– and you’re putting into their hands a tool that has the power to affect them the same way.  Whether it does, whether it doesn’t– well, there’s no power over that except their own recep­tiv­ity and per­haps the power of your con­vic­tion at the time of your rec­om­men­da­tion, but still.  Words have power, if the per­son read­ing them is in a place to see and read them.  And while you have no power over how a per­son inter­prets those words, the mere fact that they’re read­ing and may see them the same way you do– well.  I dwell in pos­si­bil­ity (poetry or prose.)

Next week’s my extra 10% on my employee dis­count “employee appre­ci­a­tion” week.  I’ll be adding the rest of Wallace’s works to my shelf.  And feel­ing bet­ter about not tak­ing the easy way out, even if it means it takes me a while to write hard, orig­i­nal sto­ries that may take a long, good while for any­one to actu­ally like, much less want to publish.

Local Store Listing

That’s what they call it, when a book is ordered in higher num­bers (or ordered at all) than what the Inven­tory Gods of cor­po­rate decide should be sent to all stores in a given mar­ket. Now– we’re in the Boston area mar­ket, which is a Major Mar­ket to just about beat all besides New York City. I mean, peo­ple in Boston READ. Read like mad things, I tell you. The sub­way is chock full of peo­ple with NYTs and New York­ers and books fea­tured on some­thing besides Oprah. (We have an “as heard on NPR” table. It’s big­ger than the Oprah’s book club table. Big­ger like WHOA.)

So… our Local Store List­ing list is LONG and very, very nerdy, full of non­fic­tion and exper­i­men­tal fic­tion and stuff that will never make it onto the best­sellers’ lists but may well have been in the Eng­lish papers. And while Dan Brown, he of “Da Vinci Code” “fame” had a new book out, and yes, we sold it hand over fist, includ­ing the ABRIDGED Audio­book (I swear, I don’t even want to know how you decide to edit that stuff, I mean, what’s left? Some­body say­ing “the” sonorously and yet imbued with por­tent and kinky catholi­cism over and over?) and so many hard­cov­ers that it was someone’s job for most of the week to check the dis­play every hour to make sure there were enough, that was NOT the week’s big vol­ume seller.

Nope. Ted Kennedy’s mem­oir. And granted, it’s Boston, but yeah. Ted Kennedy out­sold Dan Brown the first week a new Dan Brown book was out.

I’m going to like this store and these cus­tomers. Mostly. I do have a few “can you believe that?!?” sto­ries already, but I’m sav­ing them up for a day when I’m bored. LOLs will ensue, I can promise you that.

(Also, can I tell you how nice it is to be let alone to read your book at lunch? Because these peo­ple, they under­stand the solace that a half-hour, a good book, some left­overs and thou can be. Now, if I can just find a way to blog on my breaks…)